A Nine Year-Old Boy in Texas Deserves a One-Year Supply of Ice Cream Sundaes

This story is one of those big bangs of lunacy, irony, and hilarity that deserves every picogram of mockery it has been getting

…Where to start. Poor Bart Simpson might have been long since burned at the stake by this school, but this is not intentionally satire. Neither the original act nor the outcome is based in reality.

Given the persistent stories of kids obtaining irresponsibly stored firearms, one would merit indefinitely suspending a child for bringing to school one and waving it around like a toy, or for repeated vandalism, swearing, or acting out aggressively against another student.

But this boy, who brought in said encyclopedic-book to share his fascination with the solar system with another teacher, which just so happens to include another section on human pregnancy, containing scientific diagrams, this boy…

nine year old

is a race-baiting, precociously pornographic terrorist?!

Nine year-olds have little if any sense of reality. Thankfully. This is the fruits of being nine. Most nine year-olds don’t know what terrorism is. Do we want to prompt one to inquire as to what actual terrorism looks like?!

I have known children under nine to have a marvelously better grasp of context when hearing playful intent of the words ‘make you disappear’ to another child, in this case, with a replica of a ring from a fantasy-fiction story (wherein, when slipped onto a finger can make a person invisible).

And these people/adults are educators.

According to the boy’s father, had his son discovered he had the power to make another boy disappear he would have immediately made him reappear.

“The Empire Strikes Back” came out when I was about nine or ten. I could not imagine going to school one Halloween, getting singled out for engaging in a pretend laser-gun fight with friends on the playground, and then suspended for terroristic [an actual word] activities. I don’t know if the system there allows for the father to be able to transfer his son to a different school. I mean, if it were my parents? My mother would have flipped her shit on this school!

Incidentally, the day news of this story became widely published, February 2, happened to be former Vice President Sauron’s — Cheney’s — birthday. The former sociologically based-in-the-middle-of-nowhere, neoconservative Congressman turned executive power-meets-paranoia vice-leader of the free world, to the much tragic woe of our world history, turned 74. Happy belated Birthday. (…Paranoid ass would probably approve of this school’s action.)

Let this child, and others like him, be nine, free from the amoral, neurotically absurd, and downright otherworldly imaginations in the mainstream-media. And, certain administrators for this elementary school ought to consider it better to reappear from a world far, far away into actual educating.

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